Midnight Thoughts
by Czar Obezyanka
Summary: The last thoughts of Grand Duchess Olga N Romanova. Based from the movies of the last Russian Imperial family. I hope you all enjoy. I think that FF needs a historical catogory.


Midnight thoughts

By

Czar Obezyanka.

Disclaimer: Even though these historical figures were real, their thoughts belong to me.

I lay awake at night and listen to the sounds around me. It has been so long since I have had a proper sleep. I hear the soft murmurs and snores from my three other sisters who are sharing a room with me. Hushed whispers through the bedroom wall are those of my parents, Papa seems to be racked with guilt and sometimes I clearly hear him apologize to Mama for what he has put our family through. Outside I can hear the men in the grounds talking and laughing as they guard us, from what only they know.

How did life become like this in such a short time from being in a world of privilege to being prisoners. Thoughts run through my mind rapidly and memories dance. I turn over in my bed, the only bed I have ever known. The bed that goes where ever I go, I can count a lot of times when my trusty bed was there for me as I was growing up.

Running a hand through my short locks, a smile forms on my lips. When I was a child, my hair was long, it rested to the small of my back.

I want to go back home, to be able to walk on familiar floors, to stare out into the grounds from the classroom window. Sometimes I do wonder alot of what ifs, for example. What if I married when I was nineteen, just like Irina did. Would I too be a mother now? If only Pavel married me. Would I not be in this mess? Sometimes while we were staying in the Governor house in Tobolsk, I heard whispers from the servants who said that I looked older then twenty two. I never thought of it but once I caught my reflection in the mirror on the steam boat The Russ, I thought they were right, I looked so tired and withdrawn. My face aged and it seems that with all the stress on my shoulders my body couldn't take it.

Of course I am glad that I am still with my family and at least we are all here wondering what is going to happen to us.

Oh another memory, the first time I puffed on a cigarette. Putting the rolled up tobacco to my lips and inhaling. My throat burning from the smoke and my poor lungs could not contain the invasion of something foreign. I gave an almighty cough, the second puff it wasn't bad and after around the fifth or sixth it felt like second nature. It must have been amusing to see all four of us sitting there puffing away like Papa. How I crave for one right now.

I find that I miss my old clothes, I am sure the others miss theirs too. It was a bit of a dilemma as to what to pack as we had only a short period of time and only had a limited amount of trunks to pack. Mama said just pack what was practical, which was our every day clothing that we wore when we were under house arrest . _As we were packing I saw Tatiana staring wistfully at our elaborate hats that we wore over the years, some of the hats had feathers, silk flowers, pearls. I packed my winter hat, the hat I wore when our heads were first shaved and a straw hat. Tatiana caught me looking at her, she gave a small smile and continued packing. _

_I got to look at the shoes, some of them had dyed satin material for the court shoes, white leather, black leather, brown leather. Oh the shoes I wore to my first and I suspect the last ball I will ever attend. I quickly grab the ones that are practical and just in case a pair of court shoes. _

_Dresses were just as hard, I look at the satin dress with sewn roses. This was worn in the last formal photo session of my sisters and I. Which made me think of the traditional court dress that Tatiana and I wore with Kokoshinks for another formal photograph session. _

"_What do you think is going to happen to the rest of our clothes?" Maria asked._

_Anastasia answered "I over heard they are going to give the rest of our clothes to the needy." _

_Maria's eyes widen a little. "Are you serious? The government wouldn't give our clothes away, they will send them to us at our new location. Isn't that right Olga?" _

_I honestly didn't know how to answer and since this was a sad situation, I didn't want to make anything worse.  
"I think that is what's going to happen Maria." I gave her a reassuring smile. _

"_No I over heard them, the guards saying they were going to give our stuff away to charity." Anastasia insisted._

A sobbing gasp escaped Maria's lips. She started to shake and slumped against her trunk. "They can't, that is our things." She sobbed.

_Tatiana came beside her and started to rub Maria's back. "Shhh, Mashka. It will be okay." She soothed. We must have had the same dagger expression as Anastasia questioned "What?"_

"_Lets get back to packing." I ordered._

I pull out an empty perfume bottle from behind my pillow. I unscrew the lid and the faint scent of rose wafts and tingles my senses. Memories of events fill my mind, playing tennis with everyone, going to the beach and enjoying the smell of the sea as we sailed on The Standart. Watching films of ourselves, the memory of the film were my sisters and Anna V are dancing with the sailors on grandmama's Polar Star. That was a fine day as we celebrated Grandmama's birthday.

The sound of footsteps stop at the closed door of the bedroom. A sharp knocked and the voice of Dr Botkin tells us to get up and dressed as we are about to move.

As the others wake groggily, I get up, go to the basin and wash my face. We each pull on our civilian clothing. I run a brush through my short hair, give my teeth a quick brush and go out into the hallway waiting with the rest of the family. I see Papa holding my only brother in his strong arms. Alexei has his face buried in the crook of Papa's neck. Mama steadies herself on her walking stick. Behind them is Dr Botkin, the footman, lady in waiting and the cook. The rest of us stand by our room.

The head guard Yurovsky tells us to follow him and a few other guards. We go to down the stairs to what we think is going to front of the house. Instead we are lead down more steps and enter one of the cellar rooms.

Yurovsky tells us before we go to our next destination that we are getting a photograph taken, because government doesn't believe that we are alive. Then he orders us into a certain order. Papa request two chairs for Mama and Alexei, which they compiled. I feel a sense of unease, it wasn't only a few days before that they ordered us to have photographs of us individually. It was called a mug shot.

It felt so strange to be sitting on a chair and facing the camera and then sitting sideways. The camera man side it was a side profile like an identity. I heard somewhere that is what they did to criminals. In a sense that is what the world sees us. My family as common criminals, it wasn't so long ago the world adored us. We were described in one of those English newspapers as being one of the world's most beautiful family and that many thought we were popular.

The unease is made worse as I understand what might be happening. After all cameras can not take proper photographs in such low light as in the room we are in now.

The sound of Yurovsky enters the door and he is followed by more men, they are guards that have been staying on and off. Men we had talked with and were polite to us, these were not men they were drunken louts. Outside the sound of an automobile engine filters through the air.

Yurovsky stood in front of us and pulled out a piece of official paper. He started to read out a death sentence, Papa must have missed heard cause all he said was "What, What" he was shot before he could finish. I held my breath and tried to make the sign of the cross and was hit in the chest.

The pain is indescribable, despite this a feeling of warmth engulfs my body. Everyone is screaming around me, Tatiana is screaming for help. I can hear grunts from Mashka , as the sound of something bashing against the door behind us.

How ironic when I was born. I was announced to the world by sounds of canons telling the world I was born. Now I am exiting the world with the sounds of gunfire. I just lay here and feel those scenes coming again.

_I am threatening to punch Anastasia as she is writing. Anastasia as a toddler crawling under Maria's mattress as Maria slept. Tatiana and I flirting with Pavel on the Standart. Being in Finland and picking mushrooms. Seeing our English cousins. Piggy backing Alexei as we walked in the snow. Tatiana kicking some woman under the table for calling us by our royal titles. Then faces of those people in our lives, Gibbs, Gillard, Anna V etc. Working as a nurse helping the wounded, wearing my infantry uniform and having pictures taken with Tatiana.  
Mama and Papa in Papa's study and as we sat together for din......_

~*~

This is just a story I came up with when I was having a break from studying. The main character is Grand Duchess Olga N Romanov. Who was killed along with her family in July of 1918.

I wanted to see what might be like for her in the last few hours of her death. I stopped it mid sentence as I felt like this was were one of the gun men walked up to her and shot her through the head. I am sure she would of been unconscious when it happened. Hence the memories and apparently the last sense we have as we die is hearing. (I saw it on one of those amazing bodies shows).

Also I know it has a lot of grammar mistakes but it is just a draft and something I dabbled in.

Some of the events she is thinking was real and was taken from letters of the Olga and family. From the book titled "A lifelong passion: Nicholas and Alexandra their own story."

The line of Mashka/Maria grunting and the sound of the door being bashed in, was told from one of the executioners. Apparently with everyone panicking and being shot at, Maria was able to break the door that was behind the family and servants. She was reportedly shot in the thigh and thus not being able to "escape".

The scene were they are packing their clothes. I am not sure if that happened but it is true what the government decided on the rest of the everyday clothes the family left behind, it was given to charity. After the war their clothes were seen as out of date. Yet it was given to charity. Their good clothes such as court dresses and children's clothing were kept and shown to the public. These clothes are still on display although for a short period they were hidden when the Nazis occupied the area during WWII.

Also if you wish to see photographs of the family a good place is at Livadia . org and the Alexander Palace Forum.


End file.
